Rubber Ball, You Keep Bouncing Back To Me!

Fresh from our sub-continental travails, She-That-Must-Obeyed and I felt the urge one crisp, sunny Saturday morning to remind ourselves of the delights of English cafe society.

We happened upon Eve's Tea Room in the middle of Lindfield High Street disguising itself as a chattels and knick-knack store, not unlike the frontage of Steptoe and Son's Yard. The signage suggested that it served breakfast fare, so we girded our loins and sat at a table betwixt shop and kitchen.

Feeling most comfortable we scoured the horizon for serving staff....... not a sausage to be found. Owner and chief waitress were far more interested in solving the holes in the coverage rota for staff by interviewing a young girl from the Village whilst the owner continued to rush outside to disarm the car alarm on the delivery van sitting outside.

Having finally woken up to the existence of some customers, the attentive staff took us through the extensive menu. STMBO chose a rather ambitious Buck Rarebit, a Welsh Rarebit avec poached egg, and a pot of tea. I bravely plumped for a brown-breaded bacon sandwich - two rounds - and a cup of latte coffee.

The fare arrived quite swiftly, mainly due to time whizzing by as we both read every single section of the Saturday Times. The Buck Rarebit looked rather sad, with an upside down, bouncy, rubbery poached egg, but couldn't be eaten anyway due to the lack of any cutlery upon the table.

Having delivered both Sad Rarebit and bacon sandwich the waitress sidled off to discuss staffing matters with intense and voluble fervour whilst STMBO and I sat crestfallen and cutleryless.

It became somewhat irksome for what seemed like an age, before our pleas for cutlery were heard and acted upon by the gossiping team.

The food was average at best, my latte warm, and the tea existed in the cup like a brown wet thing.

The ambience remained tetchy as the interview continued with a rising intensity that eventually overpowered any other conversation in the room. We became underwhelmed by the entire experience. It was salavaged only by the arrival of a rather fragrant young lady, again from the Village, who started her shift later in the day - a bit tall for me though.

Would we go there again? ........ No.

PS Don't go on a Tuesday because the schoolgirl they were hiring goes to the gym !